Life Transitions

Life transitions, like a graduation or a wedding, can trigger joy but also loss.

Graduation

It’s a big month for our family as our son will be graduating from college and our daughter will be getting married. While we are all a flurry with excitement for the upcoming celebrations, there is also an odd sadness that is meandering its way into my heart. As a mother, I am equally ecstatic that both of my children are about to enter different stages of life (they are adulting - hooray!) and at the same time feeling a deep sense of loss. As a therapist, I am wondering how this loss will impact me and how I can apply my knowledge of grief to these changes.

When we experience a life transition, it is a loss. And just like a death, we need to grieve it in order to move forward in a healthy way. 

A life transition can be anything from a move across the country, to job loss, the birth of a new child, becoming an empty nester, divorce, death and being in a new relationship.

Kubler-Ross gave us stages to consider when we grieve:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

These stages were meant to accompany someone at the end of their life and are not linear in their progression. Yet, we can look to those stages when we experience any transition because transitions bring change and change brings up a sense of loss.

For me, this has been sounding like

“Where did my babies go? Will they still need me?  Will we still be close when they move away/have their own babies/get jobs/figure out life? Is my job as a mom over?” 

In order to navigate any transition in a healthy way, we must engage in the loss. 

These steps will help:

1. Give myself permission to grieve the time that has ended. This helps with any denial I have that things will be different.

Helpful activities during a transition include:

1. Life review - look at pictures, tell stories, embrace the memories

   
   

2. Consider how life will change and prepare for times which may be difficult 

   1. Set up outings with friends

   2. Reach out to a mentor

   3. Engage in a new hobby/activity

   4. Journal about my feelings

2. Allow the mourning 

   1. Allow the tears and the sadness - this is a part of grief

   2. Allow all my thoughts without judgment 

3. Talk to others about my feeling with the transition

   1. For some this may mean engaging with a professional to help navigate the changes that are to come

4. Understand that all transitions take time and give yourself the freedom to feel all the emotions without rushing yourself through them

When positive transitions happen, there can be much excitement for what is to come. When negative transitions happen there can be a very palpable sense of grief. In both situations, there is a sense that time is marching on and the role we had in life is now changing. Being mindful of allowing the emotions and the loss that is to come allows us to be open to the next chapter in our lives which brings acceptance to our new phase.

Lori T. Howard is a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in grief and loss. You can find her at lorithoward.com